I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
