then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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