I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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