And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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