i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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