I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
