Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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