We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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