The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
