i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
