Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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