once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My feet surprised me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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