God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
