Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
