can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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