were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
