if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
