We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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