i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
