she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
