No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
