I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
