I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
