i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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