life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
