and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
