Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
