Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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