apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
