i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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