Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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