I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
