Can i not drive my cunt home
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
