when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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