my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
