my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
