sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
