i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
