hotel room ftw
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
