I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
