When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
