Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
