I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
