I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
