Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
