Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
