So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
