Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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