her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
birth control should be required to get into college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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