so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
