White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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