Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
