He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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