it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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