So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
